Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
