Your tits are I can't wait for
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
