Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
of course. lets lasso hookers.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
And then he peed in my hair
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