so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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