Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize