I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Randomize
