saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
