I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
