I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
