I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
