just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
