I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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