Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
