At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
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