i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
my shit smells like andre
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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