I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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