Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
