Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
