ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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