i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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