Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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