does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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