someone owes me an orgasm
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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