I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize