Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Randomize
