Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
