she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
