I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
