you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
