I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
