imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
