i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Randomize