Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
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