I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
