Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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