I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize