In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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