someone get that fucking seahorse.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
