Those balls look pretty dangerous.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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