Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Randomize
