So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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