How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
