If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
