She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
