That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
