ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
