I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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