the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
