i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
