Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize