I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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