Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
