i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
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