That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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