I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
