yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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