I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Randomize
