I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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