she was so not down for the gang bang
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
