Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
