I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize