Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
