i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Who wears a wallet chain?!
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
