So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
