my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
