I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
