So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
