did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
