This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize