so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
