where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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