i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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