she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
