1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
