i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
