I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize