shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
