Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
