david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize