Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
