Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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