There was a lot of him and a little penis
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
