I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
