my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
