I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
