Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
