Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
