At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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