the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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