Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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