I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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