Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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