I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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