My room smells like vodka and shame
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
